Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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