Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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