I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
