I accidentally burped into my bong.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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