Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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