he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
