You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
