how can u be prego again
I can text with my tongue
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
