we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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