i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
