imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
