Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
