2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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