Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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