You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
