I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
