We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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