Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
