My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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