wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
