hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
