So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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