Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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