Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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