well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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