i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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