I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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