Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
