My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
