Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
