you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
