You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
