i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
