I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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