My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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