I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
