I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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