**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
