Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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