i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do herpes really smell.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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