I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
