Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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