her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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