Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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