so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
