Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
