Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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