Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
high people should be assigned attendants
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
