what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize