And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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