My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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