I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
