Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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