Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My vagina is officially offended.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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