you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
