You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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