Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
