So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
