I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
