I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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