Betty ford says i'm here all night
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
