i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
