My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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