Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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