he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
