I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
