dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize