69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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