Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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