Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
