anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this is an emotional support booty call
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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