I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
