I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
