he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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