This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
