Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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