I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
