they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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