i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
