I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
