Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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