Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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