i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
