omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
