No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
