her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
